The gift of being present.

April 01, 2026

Hi there!

I’m Erna, the author of Care Fully.

My caregiver journey started over 20 years ago, when I was 21 years old. As a newly minted college graduate, my life was just beginning. I had no idea how to deal with the ups, downs, and in-betweens of caregiving for my Mother.

Care Fully is a play on words. The questions I am asked and the ones I still have drive each issue of this newsletter.

We “care fully” by balancing our needs as a caregivers with those we provide care for. My goal is to offer up experiences and information to support your caregiving journey.

At the height of my caregiving journey, anything outside of caring for my Mom or work was not at the top of my to-do list. Staying “in the know” about friends and other family needs, became infrequent. I had to prioritize and could not hold anything more than my Mom’s needs and work.

I don’t want to say I stopped living, because I didn’t. But I wasn’t fully living either. I just wasn’t present.

This edition of Care Fully features:

  • Going it alone, perfection, and being present.

  • Village style caregiving, imagine the possibilities.

  • An event and a few links that might spark more ideas.

If this edition was forwarded to you, please sign up for your own copy here. To spotlight or support caregiving in your company, email [email protected].

🎁 IS THAT WHY IT IS CALLED A PRESENT?

In last week’s newsletter, I mentioned a Care Conversation Campaign. It’s goal is to highlight one million caregiver stories.

Ai-jen Poo, the Executive Director of Caring Across Generations, has done much for caregivers. In addition to launching campaigns, she has worked alongside others to create policy change.

Two weeks ago she had a frank conversation about the importance of care with Emma Heming Willis (Bruce Willis’ wife and caregiver) and Senator Andy Kim (NJ). Senator Kim is caring for his Dad who was diagnosed with Alzheimers.

What I heard moved me. Do any of these messages resonate?

  • Permission: "A neurologist gave me permission to ask for help. That's what it took. Permission. From a doctor. That tells you everything about how we treat caregivers." When Emma shared what it took to find support for Bruce’s care, I felt seen. I recall receiving similar advice from a therapist. I was burning the candle at both ends and could not give myself permission to ask for help. The therapist told me to find the resources to get care for my Mom and also give myself a much need reprieve. Thankfully, I was able to find and pay for help. It made such a difference.

  • Being Present:  "I was looking for a touchstone each day — just one moment where I could be his son, not his manager." Senator Kim shared the strength it took to ask for help and share his caregiver journey. Also, Emma shared, “asking for help felt like weakness.” These feelings resonate with me. Caregiving was something I should have been able to handle. Of course now I realize that thinking was doing more harm than good.

My Take: Caregiving doesn’t have to be a solo mission. When it is, it is impossible to be present. Instead, you may find yourself disappearing. Being present with my Mom was a gift I’m glad I experienced. I was able to be present with her once I had more help and also once I let the myth of perfection go.

📋 LEARNING ABOUT YOUR NEEDS

Would you mind answering the poll below? It will help me determine which topics to address in the upcoming weeks.

During your caregiving journey, what felt most out of reach?

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🏘️ IT DOES TAKE A VILLAGE

Ai-jen shared an example of caregiver support I would like to see implemented in the US.

Bogata, Columbia launched the Care Block. The concept is based on an insight about caregiver time (or lack there of). Time surfaced as a barrier for potential solutions. To address this, the city brought free of charge professional care for care recipients to one location. Then they provided resources for caregivers such as: education, wellness, and economic programs in a location nearby.

This reduced the impact of time on caregiver and care recipient needs.

Can you imagine going to one location to get care for a loved one, while also either being able to do your work remotely or receive training for a new job? Life would look different.

The Care Block model is being studied by academia and the public sector across countries. It needs to be.

The latest calculation for the value of family caregiving in the US is $1.01 trillion dollars! This exceeds “$932 billion total in federal, state and local Medicaid spending and $557 billion total in out-of-pocket health spending.”

Let’s hope we can see new methods and models to address the caregiver crisis and caregiver health.

At the end of the day, I wish I was told there is no such thing as a perfect caregiver. It would have saved a ton of frustration and sanity. I eventually got there and I’m taking it upon myself to remind you that no one is expecting perfection. Your loved one just wants you near. If you are close by and relatively sane and healthy, consider that a significant win.

📢 A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR

I’m highlighting another sponsor in today’s edition. The Flyover is a news aggregator. I had to check it out for myself before sharing it with you. Below is an excerpt of a story called “Payphones Bridge Generation Gap” that spoke to me.

“A bright yellow payphone near Boston University invites passersby to “Call a Boomer.” Pick it up, and it rings a matching phone 3,000 miles away inside a senior living community in Reno, Nevada, where the sticker reads “Call a Zoomer.” The project, from a company called Matter Neuroscience, is built on a simple idea: younger and older adults are the two loneliest groups in America, and a conversation between strangers can do more good than people think. One video of the calls racked up 18 million views on Instagram. In it, a senior named April asks a college student for life advice, flipping the usual script. The student’s answer? Get off your phone and go outside.”

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✨NEWS & EVENTS TO KEEP IN MIND

 🫶BEFORE YOU GO . . .

Do you know someone who could use Care Fully? Forward this newsletter to a fellow caregiver, colleague in HR, or policymaker in your network. The more folks who understand what is at stake and what is possible, the faster we can make change happen.

Until next time,